I am not going to finish Wilder.

I’m sorry because I know that for a number of you this news will be disappointing, frustrating, tiresome, or all of the above.

For some (most? all?) of you this might feel an inevitable failure. I think it’s obvious how much I’ve been struggling with setbacks and depression for years now. That is part of the reason I am finally giving up and letting Wilder go.

The other part of the reason is that I have come to accept that this is not a story I should be telling, especially now.

Every time I would try to write the next word of Wilder I would feel paralysed by the pressure and doubt that comes with depression. But I would also feel increasingly unsure of how to write a story about oppression and racism in a fantasy world in a sensitive, meaningful way, while in the real world oppression and racism is an actual, ugly, urgent reality for so many. I spent years grappling with this question like an idiot until tonight when I finally realised what I should have worked out years ago – I can’t.

I’m not just struggling – I am incapable.

Wilder is a story originally dreamed up by a privileged teen and told as a privileged adult. It takes place in a world of slavery inspired by Ancient Greece and Rome, with various ethnic influences in the settings and characters, and follows the common sci fi/fantasy trope of the “fantastic racism” allegory.

But the real world is choking on real racism, real violence, real oppression. My clumsy “inequality allegory + hot monster lovin’” story is just…so far beyond me to write.  There are people who have tried to tell me that. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen.

My depression may subside, my confidence may return, but Wilder will never be a thing I can return to.

For those of you who were so eager to meet characters like Amir, Royo and Jamal I will definitely share their stories with you in some way – maybe with some long route summaries on Tumblr. I’m not sure. However I do it, it will be free.

Ran’s Story and Bahadur’s Story will remain available as individual purchases for those who who still wish to experience them. These stories stand independently but be advised that there are some small mysteries and hanging threads that were to be addressed by the unreleased routes.

Let me finish this up by saying again – I am so, so sorry. Truly, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say it enough to make amends to everyone who has followed me, supported me, enjoyed the story so far, or been anticipating the finished work. I’ve cried so many tears over Wilder. I’ve cried most of them tonight. Please don’t think I do this lightly.

And thank you for everything.

-sonnet009-